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Most users ever online was 16 on Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:17 am

Jokes (just for fun)

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Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Sat Feb 02, 2008 3:19 pm

If you have trouble with making posts on the forum, check out the BBcode tutorial. To know how to add fonts, colors, media, quotes and more to your posts:
http://www.secondpride.com/faq.htm?mode=bbcode



Now here's today's joke!

This is the story of a young man who realises that he's gay in high school, and who decides to tell his parents right away.
So, one morning, full of courage he goes to the kitchen, notices that his mother is preparing a sauce on the stove. He thinks this is a good time to tell her...
And he tells her he's gay.
Without looking at anything else but the stove, his mom then asks him:
- You mean that you are a homosexual?!
He replies:
- Well, yes!
Still without taking her eyes off of her stove:
- Does that mean you sometimes put other men's penises in your mouth?
The young boy, completely unconfortable about the question his mother just asked, finally manages to answer: "Yes, sometimes".
On this moment, his mother turns around and looks at him angrily, comes up to him and puts her spatula under his nose and says:
- Then do not EVER complain about my cooking again!


Last edited by Zack Preminger on Thu Aug 13, 2009 4:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Sun Feb 03, 2008 3:09 pm

Another day, another joke

This the story of two guys at the public swimming pool, muscled bodies, very athletic, they're doing their training. They both start racing thinking "I'm not gonna lose against that guy!", you know the type. They are really of equal strengh and the competition gets long.

Both tired of the race, no one won, they both decide that's it's been enough and stop at the same point, then they also hit the showers at the same time but again just by chance. They both shower naked like they've always done, both of them are really good looking, and well hung.
They look discreetly at eachother while they shower, and suddenly they realise they both have a hard on.
Very embarrassed by that fact, one asks the other:
- Are you gay?
The other replies:
- No
Both of them, with a sigh:
- Too bad....
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 04, 2008 2:07 pm

Today's joke

While a fire is strongly burning up a tall building, the firemen's chief counts how many of his men have returned before they get away because the building might collapse. After having counted twice, he realises that two of them are missing. So with much courage, he decides to go into the flames to look for them.
After a minute, he finally sees them in a room that is still protected from the fire and smoke, and they are having sex!
The chief yells at them:
- What in god's name are you doing? This building is about to collapse. We must go!
Then the one on top turns around to the chief and says:
- I had to do something: He had fainted because of the smoke!
So the chief replies:
- Are you stupid? In that case, you had to give him mouth to mouth!
So the fireman replies:
- That is what I did! How do you think it all started?
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:35 pm

Today's joke

Three family dads wait a fourth one to go play golf. While they wait they talk about their children. The first one says:
- My oldest son is such a successful car dealer, that he offered a yellow Ferrari to one of his best friends.
The second one says:
- Our only son did so good in real estate, that he gave a house with a swimming pool to a really good friend.
And the last one says:
-Well my youngest son won millions at Wall Street, and recently he gave some stocks to a friend to get him started in the market.
Then the fourth guy arrives, and the others ask him what his son does.
-My son is gay, he works as a gogo-boy in a gay bar.
The other three keep silent, a bit embarrassed, then he adds:
- But he must be pretty good in bed, because recently people offered him a yellow Ferrari, a house with a swimming pool, and stocks at Wall Street.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Wed Feb 06, 2008 1:21 pm

Today's joke

A guy goes to see his doctor for a check-up.
After a number of tests his doctor says :
- I studied ll your tests carefully, especially your psychological ones : I have one good and one bad news for you : You have hidden homosexual desires.
- Oh no, and what's the good news?
The doctor replies :
- I think that you're really cute.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:33 pm

Today's joke

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Sat Feb 09, 2008 12:14 am

A Joke
Top Ten Things Heterosexuals Need to Know About Gay People


10. We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us.

9. We're not sure about Ricky Martin either.

8. We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement that you look better in it.

7. We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us.

6. Our so-called "gaydar" does not get us more cable stations or better reception.

5. We think your mini-vans are sooo cute!

4. David Crosby was not Melissa Etheridge's only choice.

3. If he's using two or more hair products at any one time -- yes, he is.

2. If she's won Wimbledon sixteen times, she is too.

And, the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people is...

1. Relax, we don't want you!

submitted by: Susan, Cincinnati, OH
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Sat Feb 09, 2008 2:34 pm

Funny quotes from gay and heterosexual people on public chat rooms.

Mazca just had a singularly scary experience there...
<Ephialtes> what happened Maz?
<Mazca> I was just feeling sorry for myself and pissed off about not having a girlfriend, and wondering what I should do to sort my life out...
<Mazca> then my iTunes, AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, started playing "Gay Bar".
<Evilution> I bought these heinous (but somewhat loveable) underwear today, a silver-metallic snakeskin-boxer.. and when I'm at the register the clerk says 'are you serious? I wouldn't even buy those.. and I'm gay..'
<DarkKnight> I came home on Sunday night and I found my mom staring at me and looking annoyed.
<DarkKnight> I smelled her cooking and asked what she cooked and she responded by saying, "I didn't make any food for you!"
<DarkKnight> She seemed very pissed so I decide to go downstairs to avoid her.
<DarkKnight> When I was just about to leave she asked me if I bought a new game. I had no clue what she was talking about, so I said no.
<DarkKnight> "You sure? " she said, "nothing Male to Male?"
<DarkKnight> I was very confused and disturbed by this question because my mom seemed to be accusing me of being gay.
<DarkKnight> I said no again and she told me she found a box that said male to male on it.
<DarkKnight> I stood there and thought for a minute and then I realized what she was talking about. I ran downstairs and showed her what she looked at:
<DarkKnight> It was the box for my male-to-male s-video cord. My mom thought I was gay because I bought an s-video cord.
<silverpig> Just for kicks, you should leave the box for your 3 in 1 KVM cable laying around and she what she says about that.
<klockwerk> If you were on a bus full of gay guys would you get off?
<cornelius> yeah
<cornelius> wait... no
<cornelius> sh**
<Foxie> "My family was asking me all these nosey-ass questions, 'When are you going to find a woman?', 'When are you going to get married?', 'When are you going to have childeren?', then my grandmother was like "Maybe he donesn't like chochate..." and I was like "it's not like I don't like chochlate, it's that I don't like it without nuts."
<Foxie> "So my uncle was like "You're gay?! You don't look gay!!", so I said "Yes, I'm one of the newer models, I'm a stealth fag."
<Normandy> I told my sis to go to hotmail to set up her own email account, and she went to www.hotmale.com and now she thinks I'm gay ;(
<bobby> I like you, Krayzie. You represent everything stereotypical and depthless about today's gay youth.
<KrayzieWolF> well im acually bi
<mrlogic> you know, for a moment I misread this headline: "Bush and Kerry Hit Road, Trade Blows on Jobs"
<lordandrei> And yet, they still oppose Gay Marriage
<mrlogic> imagine

This is a test, if you like those, tell me I might post some more, if not I'll just keep going with the regular jokes
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Mon Feb 11, 2008 5:37 pm

Today's joke

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.

She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish? He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. And her father is a doctor.

She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, What is this wonderful girls name?

He answers, Monica Lewinsky.

There is a pause, then his mother asks, What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:41 pm

Tofay's joke

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke out of jail after 15 years and was on the run from the cops. He broke into a suburbia house, made his way into the bedroom and found a young married couple. The fugitive tied the young man to a chair on one side of he room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched the fugitive get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck.

His wife started to move her head violently at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed Darling, I saw him kissing you. He cant have seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do dont fight him or make him mad. Be strong honey, our lives may depend on it!

Darling, the wife said spitting out her gag, Im so relieved you feel that way. He wasnt kissing me he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks youre really cute and asked if we had any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, our lives may depend on it!
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:36 pm

Today's joke Sent to me by DannielScarlet Destiny

A young man called Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Peter's flatmate, Simon, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flatmate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates".
About a week later, Simon came to Peter saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?"
"Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure" said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER. LOVE PETER

Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Wed Feb 13, 2008 11:37 pm

Today's joke

A guy comes into a bar one day and says to the bartender, Give me eight double vodkas.

The bartender says, Wow! you must have had a hell of a day. Yes, I just found out my older brother is gay.

The next day the same guy comes into the bar and asks for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, I just found out that my younger brother is gay too!

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another eight double vodkas. The bartender said, Jesus! Doesnt anybody in your family like women?

Yeah, my wife
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:32 pm

Hi all Smile

I'm sorry that I haven't been posting anymore jokes, beleive it or not it's hard to find good gay/lesbian jokes.
So since I'm out of jokes and that I haven't posted any in a while, I'm gonna make up for it by posting this video of Jeff Dunham and his new puppet.

It's not gay/lesbian related but since I don't find anymore of those, I have to keep going with more global humor.



Please note that this topic does not reflect the opinion and views of the Second Pride Festival or its staff, if you think any of the content posted here is offensive to you, please send me a Private Message and I will remove it from the topic.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Wed Feb 27, 2008 3:35 am

Just because I love this guy and I think he has great talent as a ventriloquist, here is anotherone of his shows.






You are also welcome to post you own jokes and funny materials here Wink Don't be afraid.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:54 pm

Today's joke

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes. Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but Realistically, we're living with two hookers and a gay guy."
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Thu Feb 28, 2008 10:40 pm

Today's joke

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady,
was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put
on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't" she replied.

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex.
Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them
dry,
then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile. "Oh well, I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure,
she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:57 pm

Today's joke

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Sat Mar 01, 2008 2:32 am

Today's fun story

Custom at Duquesne University dictated that if a professor was ten minutes late, class was canceled. One professor arrived early for a 9 a.m. lecture. He placed his hat on his desk, and went to the faculty room. Before he knew it, it was 9:10. By the time he got back to his classroom, it was empty. The next day, he let his students have it. "When my hat is here," he fumed, "I'm here!"

The following day, the professor arrived at 9 a.m. He was met by the sight of 28 hats on 28 desks -- and no students.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:50 am

Funny quotes from kids


TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Ross, why do you always get so dirty?
ROSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: (interrupting her student) No, Millie.....Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Fri Mar 07, 2008 2:57 am

Today's joke

A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways.
The interviewer asked him: "Do you know how to use the equipment?"
"Yes", the boy replied.
"Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?"
The young applicant thought and replied "I'd press the button to change the points without hesitation."
"What if the button was frozen and wouldn't work?"
"I'd run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually" "And if the lever was broken?"
"I'd get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points," he replied.
"And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?" The boy thought about that one.
"I'd run into town and get my uncle"
"Is your uncle an electrician?"
"No, but he's never seen a train crash before!"

Note: I realise the topic's name is "Daily jokes", but at first I was looking for jokes that involved gays or lesbians, I ran out of those.. So I am posting less stuff here but nothing keeps any of you from adding your share jocolor
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Re: Jokes (just for fun)

Post  Guest on Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:43 am

Feeding this forgotten topic again a little bit with this joke:

A guy sits in a bar. He tells the bartender: "Have you seen that woman over there? I'm buying her a drink."
The bartender replies: "Forget it, it's no use. That woman is a lesbian."
The guy replies: "And so? That's not any kind of problem! It doesn't bother me and what would it change?"
The bartender brings a drink to the lady from the kind man. She thanks him with her hand. And he buys her a second drink, and a third. Finally he decides to go see her. He sits next to her. They introduce eachother, talk a little, and finally the guy asks her: "So, is there still war in Lesbia?"


To add to this I found this interesting text:

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong (read all sentences fully and carefully)

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning. Also apparently those homosexual animals have picked up some unnatural behavior.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8 ) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
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